My days routinely begin at nine, but I usually wake early at six longing for you.
As I prepare to begin my days alone, I think back to the ones where we once did so together and smile. St Michaels comes to mind and an instant sense of peace washes over me. Those few days were as close to bliss as I can describe.
The Sunday’s I now spend on the beach are reminiscent of the Sunday’s we first spent together. Those days were defined by breakfast in bed and secrets shared over tastee diner meals… I’d trade every beach on this island and every cocktail I’ve had for another stack of toast and cup of coffee with you.
As I lay on the beach covered by the cool shade of an umbrella, a tinge of red catches my eye and my whole body shoots up engaged. It is not you, of course, but I am reminded of your hair and your face and your smile and mostly your kind eyes, as this stranger walks away. As they set off down the beach, my mind sets off to think… if only it had been you here.
As I make my way to the school house I teach in, the hand of a stranger brushes again me and I remember the last time your fingers laced through mine; it was early — so early you were barely awake, and probably cannot recall being woken up — but I still remember how much I wanted to remain next to you in that moment. If I close my eyes now, I still feel the longing I felt so deeply then.
As my students recite the seasons in class, I feel tears prick my eyes as they croon out ‘snow’. They question its existence as I explain that it is a magical experience not to be questioned. “Snow coats the world around you, and creates a cocoon of bliss.” They stare blankly as I stare back in a daze. “Snow,” I say more simply, “is love.” They continue to peer questioningly as a slideshow of moments careen through my cavernous mind.
To the boy I left at home… don’t ever believe that you were left behind. I say that, because you never really left me in my mind.
Every day I spend in this magnificent country, I am reminded of the magnificence I found at home with you.
I miss you dearly.