Jumbled.

Inundated with a constant stream of thoughts, my brain has been running at full capacity these last few days.

Am I overwhelmed? Am I stressed out? Am I largely ambivalent to the many things simultaneously beginning and ending in my life at this very moment?

Let’s put an asterisk by that last one.

There’s this cavernous divide between the education we receive in college and the applicable life skills we garner in the four years we spend working towards our degrees. Somewhere along the way I found myself inside this hole. Like way way in it. And it terrified me. But then the ambivalence hit. That’s why I’m sitting inside my cavern right now, tucked in with a mug, hair in a bun, netflix flickering across my laptop screen as a fire flickers in front of me. (If I were in any way a talented artist/ graphic designer/ six year old with creativity– I would have honed in on those skills here, because I have a particularly vivid image of this. You could say I’ve ruminated with it for a while.)

I was in a yoga class last night, and for the first time in just about a year of semi regularly practicing, I found myself unable to stop thinking. I genuinely could not flip the switch to shut down the flurry of activity in my brain. There I was, ass tucked in, back bent backwards, staring at the sweaty legs of a great lump of a man– ticking through a to do list. I bet he wasn’t thinking about his next internship.

I’v sat with a migraine since this semester began.

 

My 120 degree sweat box failed me. And that has never happened before. Now what?

I think the worst part is that I wouldn’t even characterize myself as stressed at this point. I’ve somehow maintained the degree of calmness and acceptance I gained in Europe… but with that being said I’ve also found myself feeling some new form of irritation and overwhelming burden. Or maybe I’m just stressed and in denial. :))))) Passive aggressive emoji use 4ever 

Happy Thursday, kids.

x

 

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