There was tangible change evident in the twenty one year old that returned home from her adventure abroad; and yet today that change appears lost, at the very least forgotten. How can a new form dissolve into the former? How can a changed entity disintegrate into a discarded shape? We argue that change is absolute, and yet we hardly consider that change is as circular as the wheels that operate our vehicles.
Whilst abroad, I grew into a new form of myself and my complicated back story found itself suddenly simplified. My being found itself dismantled into nothing more than my purpose.
“I am T; I am here to teach.”
And as Greece blurred into Italy, so did my answer. I was no longer there to teach, I was there “to search.” I maintain that my answer doubled as a filtration system for the kinds of people I’d spend time with.
What I remember most poignantly from Italy is the briefest of meetings I had with an individual in passing. Within minutes of speaking, he exclaimed in pure elation that my happiness was as infectious as infection. I have never laughed quite so hard at a strangers remark about myself. I have, and maintain that I always will, find joy in those who learn to speak English as a second language. Their communication elicits the most literal understanding of our words, and it is nothing short of brilliant. But I digress.
I genuinely find myself at a loss these days, constantly caught between the person I found myself become and the person I thought I left behind. So much in my life has changed, and yet so much appears to have remained the same. What is this silly mindgame I find myself playing.