the freak out

Okay, do you ever get that super panicky, super anxiety ridden feel deep within your chest? The one that slowly radiates into other parts of your body as you ride it out?

Because I currently have that feeling. And I’m in a super public setting. And it’d be super inappropriate to start heaving or crying or screaming ATM, but I’M HAVING A MOMENT. And I hate to say it, but this is exactly the kind of moment I’d usually call the man in my life to swoop in and fix. But there is no longer a man. Or even a sort of kind of man that I’d want to call anymore. Because when I began this semester I made an agreement with myself that I wouldn’t hang onto any useless relationships nor would I begin any new disastrous relationships. Because why. And so here I am, mid panic, attempting to create the allusion of a confidant by furiously banging into the keys of my laptop.

One of my internship’s requirements this week was to properly fill out our planners so that as a cohort we could compare and accordingly dole out any big projects/ assignments ahead of time. But in order to do that I had to go through my six  class syllabi and by doing that, come to terms with how many things I have to do within the span of a week. And then come to the realization that my planner is missing my GRE study time. And my EMS exam study time. And my actual internship deliverable dates. And my graduate school application dates. And my time at work. And y’know, my time existing as a social being, cause that’s a thing.

I’m wigging out. 😦


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