This week’s WordPress Photo Challenge theme is It’s Not This Time of Year Without…
Now I don’t have a particular image that encapsulates this particular theme, but I definitely have a response, and I feel it will help clarify why I’ve been so absent on here.
It’s not this time of year without at least three monumental crises and breakdowns.
Someday I’ll look back and laugh at myself for caring so much about such simple things, but right now, in the thick of it, I just can’t seem to find the energy to keep reminding myself that. There are moments of clarity where I realize that my life is actually going relatively well, but then those are quickly replaced by moments of self-destruction.
This is my final semester of undergrad (class wise). Now presumably I will be attending graduate school at some point in the foreseeable future, meaning my days of education related stress and worry are far from over, but this is in a way, an ending.
For the last four years, I’ve watched myself experience the same phenomenon. I begin so well; with such vigor, and excitement, and dedication. And then I fizzle. I fizzle faster than the firecrackers that light the sky on the fourth of July. I spin out of control and eviscerate, gone as quickly and quietly as I had come. The beauty of what had once been held, forgotten, and replaced by worn out embers.
That is how I feel right now. I feel worn out, and part of me can’t see myself mustering up the courage or the ability to finish strong and well, like I know I can.
I have a completely empty Friday this week. I think I’m going to take myself on a hike and find some clarity.
All the x’s and o’s